Dear Lawrence,

Guess what? I’m back, mother trucker! Today I’m writing you about the lovely deal with the face mask. Since it seems like the CDC is just a bunch of Big Meany Heads who want to suppress your freedom. Oooo sweet Lawrence, how I fear for you like I do for the rest of America. Yes, I know you just have a hard time breathing thru the bloody thing. We all do.

Here’s three things that you might find important:

1. Children under the age of two should not wear a mask.

• This is because that the child can suffocate. Before I start hearing “I can’t breath in it” you have a ability that a baby doesn’t; realizing you’re in trouble and removing the mask.

2.    Solo face shields are a no go.

• If you decide on wearing a face shield you’ll still have to put on that darn face mask. Why? Because the shield is not protecting you from the Covid in the air around you. Weird, huh, how the opening all around your head isn’t stopping the Covid from getting ya. If you’re working with the hearing impaired, you may want to look into hooded face shields or a face shield that pretty much wraps around you whole head and goes past your shoulders. A.k.a. you gonna look like Augustus Gloop in the chocolate tube on Willy Wonka. 

3.    It’s all about the droplets.

• This is the main reason why the face masks are important. It’s keeping almost all of those nasty little Covid germs in if you’re infected inside the mask and not out in the air. Even though some of those bad boys get out of the face mask onto people – both the healthy and those with underlining health issues,, your mask and their masks are keeping them safe from breathing in the Covid droplets. 

It seems to be hard for you to understand that you are not the most important person in the world. Seriously. You're not. No one is. We’re in this shit show together and we need to do what we have to in protecting each other not spread it further. So put on your big boy pants and wear the dang mask and wash those dirty mitts of yours often.