Dear Lawrence,
I’m writing you to fill you in on some amazing things from Irish culture, which are in fact NOT IRISH. I know most of these things are going to be a shocker, but getting really tired of you acting like your Welsh heinei is Irish. So buckle up, buttercup, and try not to cry.
1. Danny Boy
Sorry to break it to you, but Danny Boy is in fact an Englishman. While the tune is a traditional Irish ballad, the lyrics were written by one Frederic Weatherly, a Brit who apparently never set foot in Ireland. Perhaps that would be clearer if he had written these lyics:
The pipe, the pipes are calling, from glen to glen and down the English mountainside...
2. Potatoes
Yes, even the beloved Irish tater isn’t Irish. It’s from the Americas. The first potatoes were shipped across the pond during the first half of the 16th Century as part as the Columbian exchange.
3. Michael Flatley
The famed Irish dancer is from CHICAGO! His parents both immigrated to the United States from Ireland 11 years before his birth.
4. Saint Patrick
Old Paddy here was actually born in a Romano-British missionary back in the 15th Century. Which turns out if your born in Britain, you’re British. Crazy I know, but hey, if it was not for the Saint George’s Channel, we could totally pass him off as Irish.
5. Stew
Hate to break it to you, but the French and Roman beat us to it. Like really beat us by a few thousand years.
6. Killian’s Irish Red
Now, even I was thrown for a loop on this little gem. One of our beloved “imported” Irish beers, and personally my favorite, is in fact brewed by Coors in the far away and distant country known as Colorado. But wait there’s more, Killian’s is also brewed by Heineken, which is sadly brewed in France.
I hope that this was somewhat educational and you no longer want to speak to me, but unfortunately I will probably not get that pleasure.
Thank you,
Periódico Gnomo Rodriguez
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